THIS WEEK’S GAMES
WELL PAC 12 THE BAD NEWS IS THAT MOST OF YOU FELL ON OR NEAR YOUR OWN DICKS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WSU WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE TEAMS (kinda) AND WE’RE PROBABLY GROWING AN OKLAHOMA PRETTY SOON. WITHOUT FREDDY ADU: (oh man is that joke bad) IT’S TIME FOR THIS WEEKS GAMES:
(location, time and TV Network included because it was easy to cut and paste)
THURSDAY THURSDAY THURSDAY
Nick Foles is as pretty as AZ’s basketball team was ugly- and they were the ugliest team ever not to feature Josh Boone vs This game is like renting the home you’re going to buy in a year for a day. Pac 16 preview in the house. Ship the T. Boone $$$ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Arizona at Oklahoma State 5:00 PM Stillwater, Okla. ESPN
I’m really excited by the notion of the Pac-16 and games like this. The money it will make for the conference is awesome. This game seems like it should be super fun almost regardless of what happens (OSU rapes imo).
I worked with a guy who went to Missouri. His loveless marriage ended and he started dating a horrible girl with the worst laugh in history who looked like a troll. I am no longer his friend, essentially because of his bad judgment vs. People are talking about how ASU’s QB is underrated, but a guy named Brock has never been underrated for anything ever, because all abilities aside, his name is ****ing BROCK. (Brock Huard is actually an underrated radio/studio guy)
Missouri at Arizona St (-5) 7:30 PM Tempe, Ariz. ESPN
Seriously- people with big loud horrible laughs are always the *******s laughing at every bad joke. Ugh. Shudder. I don’t like writing things about Arizona.
You lost to Scrotum University vs CHEESE DEATH PAIN.
Oregon St. at Wisconsin (-21.5) 9:00 AM Madison, Wisc. ESPN
Line probably isn’t big enough. Wis just murders teams without apology and OSU just ended its brief run of relevance with a spectacular faceplant.
OH LOOK WE’RE SMART vs OH LOOK WE’RE SMART BUT ALSO GIANT ****ING DOUCHEBAGS.
Stanford (-21) at Duke 12:30 PM Durham, NC ESPNU
Stanford folks manage to have a reasonably decent reputation despite the whole smart school thing and everybody (correctly) hates Duke. Stanford is really happy Dick Vitale doesn’t care about them. I’m so committed to bad things happening to Duke that I hope people at their fat camp get diabetes.
Oh **** somebody made them mad this is going to hurt so ****ing much please be nice I mean a guy needs most of his fingers vs Just so you know, you don’t have to play the first game of each season with your **** in your mouth. You can use that hand to HOLD ONTO THE ****ING BALL.
Nevada at Oregon (-26.5) 12:30 PM Eugene, Ore. FX
Oregon pisses me off because I think they have the talent to shut up all those SEC clowns and always manage to **** it up. I still believe they’re a very good team and they will murder and Ostrich-less Nevada.
We here at Cal are so smart we scheduled a Pac-12 game before it existed vs We’re so high we scheduled a Pac12 game that won’t count.
California (-6) at Colorado 12:30 PM Boulder, Colo. FCS/CSNCA
Seriously- this isn’t a Pac12 game. They just randomly scheduled Colorado before they joined. I know nothing of these teams, but I feel like that’s a bit too many points on the road for a non-awesome team and I wouldn’t be shocked if Cal lost.
I really hate with the Pac-12 doubles up on NC opponents because it’s not like I have TWO Hawaii jokes vs I have so many, many UW jokes. The most obvious being YOUR FOOTBALL PROGRAM, which refuses to improve ever.
Hawai’i at Washington (-6.5) 12:30 PM Seattle, Wash. Root NW
I didn’t get to see any of the UW game, but it sounded very UW-y. A team that is taking a step forward doesn’t almost lose to a bad D2 school. I’m prepared to be wrong, but I’m now guessing that UW is a sub 5 win non-bowl team. Nick Holt is overpaid.
My Uncle is respected faculty here vs There’s **** named after my
UNLV at Washington St.(-14 HOLY ****ING **** 14!!!!) 2:00 PM Pullman, Wash.
A battle that threatens to tear the Harrison household apart (ok not really nobody cares about UNLV). I cannot fathom us being a 2 TD favorite over a real program. It’s weird, WSU fans drank the Jeff Tuel kool-aid pretty hard, so I think we were all more shook by his loss than anybody else. The team looked physically dominant for the first time in years, and we should kill a crap UNLV team. Obviously I assume we will lose, and painfully. Probably missed PATS or something.
The best thing about the Pac 16 is that we won’t have to pretend to be happy about Utah vs It’ll also be nice if it happens soon before USC is good again and they get used to the taste of all that southwestern football power nutsack
Utah at USC (-8.5) 4:30 PM Los Angeles, Calif. Versus
USC’s game seemed like exactly what I thought USC would be, which is to say not very good despite some good bits of talent. I think that line is bad and that Utah has a good shot at winning this game. If nothing else, it will be educational. Congrats, you’re PBS. **** off.
So this is going to hurt less than Stanford- right? vs Yeah, it’ll be smooth and soothing and we might snuggle after
San Jose State at UCLA(-21.5)7:00 PM Pasadena, Calif.
If you’re using San Jose State as a measuring stick, it’s time to zip up and just walk away. You’re not going to use that for anything anyway. I said this last week, but I still think it’s weird how much people have it out for Slick Rick. He has left with a crap team and has had terrible luck and still seems like a very good fit for the program if allowed time. He was good at UW until he just pissed off people by not being the sort of guy they wanted, and I’d be overjoyed with him as the coach of my team. That said- it’s utterly insane that WSU has better QB depth than UCLA and holy dicks are they ugly to watch.